Yes, I am a tea fan especially milk tea. I prefer it with crackers usually at mid noon snacks or midnight snacks. I got hooked since a co-teacher advised me to try milk teas to get rid of pimples and the rest is history.
I'm into the clear green as well. I love them even if it's so yuck! That's what they told me but I got used to the awkward taste. I love its hotness down to my tummy! ;-)
For a healthier life! :-)
I'm back again. I'm feeling much better now. After all the Facebook spying, I finally accepted that the jerk is officially a jerk and loves to be chased by girls. So after a large pail of cold water poured into my head, I can say I'm used to his histrionic personality disorder. Well, let's say I am a so loyal friend now and playing his game as well. Ignorance really is his new bestfriend. How I wish I could tell these poor girls what he's after. Well, it's their life. I can't do anything about it but to sing my favorites, lol.
Alright so you already got hint of what is happening to me but I'm not going to be specific since you know why. Let's just say I am reconstructing myself for a better me. I am actually preventing myself from spying the lucky guy who messed up with me last four months ago. I know he's a total jerk but I still can't get rid of him in my mind. So what I am into now is a total diversion. Although it's pretty hard on my part too since I am not so feeling well now. I wanted to sink into my therapy which is music.
Some says that when you are heartbroken and you listen to songs, you tend to feel worse, you become more gloomy but I think, these songs have a good cure side on my part. I mean music is my life and there's never a day that passes that I never listen to them. When I listened and understand the lyrics, it reminds me of him but on the other hand, I still see light that I will move on from there. Some of these songs below made me realize that, someday, he will be able to feel what I felt when he left me or he let me go for really hurtful and invalid reason.
I swallowed my pride when I profess that he's the only one and tried to save the only little chance to make a better future with him but he took it for granted and didn't act like a man since he got overwhelmed by lots of girls who is after him on a dating site. I mean he's not the most good looking guy on earth and he isn't thinking that these girls and ladyboys who drowns him with so much attention are just like him too. Anyway, he might could just find what he's looking. Although I love him, if he comes back to me I will still accept him but he needs a lot of proving to do along with it.
Okay for this time, no grammar checking for the mean time, lol. my head is still messed up!
What I did yesterday was one of the biggest painful decision I made. It was the 2nd time I beg him to let me go. I wanted him to do it since I think I can't do it. Probably I came to the point of making that decision for me when he keeps on rejecting my plea of him letting me go. I can't find any reason to stay after he broke me. I don't know. Maybe he's just the one who could bring me back but it's too painful to see him with people and take for granted what we had, what I believed he is to me, what I believe he told me, what I believed he had for me, what I believed I make him a better one, what I believed that he loves me.
What I did yesterday took me a million questions for myself if I really want to go and just let him be. He probably must be laughing, calling me pathetically easy, a drama queen. I can no longer bare how he's giving me away but would still like me sticking around him as his reservation. He probably must be thinking that I don't knew everything. I choose to be blind because I wanted him, I wanted to be with him, I wanted to wait for something much real.
It just came to my senses that he just held me in the middle of his palm. How could he told me such words only a true lover could ever say. How could he not stick to what he told me. I choose to linger and didn't bother because I want him, I like him and more. I couldn't find the reason why I chose to be in his virtual life despite he's hurting me every time we exchange thoughts. He changed. He is different. Was it because I profess? What's wrong with me? Was it because he knew it was just him all along? But I am never enough. He can't decide. Why can't he decide when I came to his life when he needed me and stayed.
My thoughts are the most messed up, all the things I wanted to let out for relief can't be translated. My chest still hurts. I am angry. I wanted to scream. I have so many questions yet he cannot answer, he cannot tell me. He wanted me to stay but he wouldn't beg me to stay. Maybe that's just it, he isn't the really that into me. He just wanted to play, he wanted to see me miserable. What he did in the past is a role play, plain game.
I fell last night wishing the torturing memories expires but it never did. When I woke up this morning, it's still the same. I know this isn't another a girls' monthly sickness. It's all about him and unfortunately, he keeps popping in to my mind.
There isn't a day or any single minute that he isn't thought of. What's wrong with me?I can't think of anyone except him. I felt I can't do anything to get through this pain. My friends, my family, a few of them know yet only I knew what's within, only I who knew what I felt for him, how I wanted him so much but I can't. The lies that he made me believe seems so real to me until now.
I want to forget him. I want myself back but I want him back to me too. What's keeping me away is I don't want him to hurt me anymore but I still want to be with him. If he could just tell me. If he could just choose me. If he just ever meant what he said from the past.
There's no one else that could help me except him, myself and God. I can do this.
I have been quite dysfunctional lately. There are so many things that happened. Until now, I can't believe I got myself hurt again from one person for the third major time.I find it hard to move on once again. Why a woman could be so emotionally fragile. If only I could write everything what I am going through right now. It could have atleast take a bit of the pain.
When you say, "I LOVE YOU", you are making a promise with someone else's heart.
Try to honor it.
My chest hurts more than my head does. I could have been literally dead by now if I'm not blessedly healthy. For four years I save myself from getting hurt, from being cheated, from self pitying. I believe that somehow, the next person I choose to give my heart to will appreciate me for that. Four years of preparing myself in accepting the next person who walks into my life first whatever the circumstances will be and wherever he came from as long as he'll fully accept me and will make me more than enough for him.
Scars speak more loudly than the sword that caused them.
Four months ago I met someone in a very strange place which I was into a year ago. I believe it's a place worth trying for busy people like me. I met him in a very strange way. Funny he's waving his being "single and ready to mingle meet me somewhere we could talk here ad". He's not the most beautiful guy I've ever seen but he got my attention somehow and luckily I got his. The rest is history. I met him during his loneliest time. I met him in my plain, simple and calm state.
She just wants to be the girl you talk about.
To be the one who makes your heart beat crazy
and for you to say to your boys, "She's my baby."
He said he's lonely. He wanted someone to be with him. He said he was cheated. He said he was used. He never promised me but I wanted him to. He said he misses me, he said he wanted to wrap his arms around me, he only sometimes missed to say he loves me before he sleeps. Then he got sick. I prayed. I cried each night. I've been begging Him to get him well.
There shouldn't be levels of honesty
"Just honesty."
It's even funny yet annoying when he asked me to marry him on the first day we talked. I hated him a bit for that. I find it plain stupid, unhealthy, discouraging and scary since our culture extremely varies for him to beg me marry him. There is also a time when I joked. "I am clingy," I said. He said " I don't mind, as long as I'm the one being clinged to."
Know you are in love
The hardest thing to say is "goodbye."
The feeling of being needed by him is the most beautiful thing, special. It is the most real thing I could ever think of among all the realized past yet so torturing, agonizing. When he got sick he said "don't worry about me, I'm strong." I know he is but the idea of him being sick can't get through to my system. I felt shattered. But I trust him and I never doubted his strength. I never doubted.
It's very easy to say "busy" when someone needs you...
But it's very painful to hear "busy" when you need someone.
Maybe I demand so much. I learn to be selfish. I want his time. I hold tight to everything he said. He said "I miss you". He said "I need you." He said "I love you". Then I doubted him. The rest is history. I win him back. I can't go on. I got used to his words. It worries me because he is sick. I worry because I can't bear to see anyone with him. I fear that I'll never talk to him. But I never felt this lonely even I am with him, talking with him. I couldn't understand myself why am I pushing myself to someone who utters empty words. I hungered for his existence, knowing every little details of him that I could reach.
Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen them
or the amount of time since you've talked.
It's the very moment you're doing something
and wishing they were right there with you.
He said he'll wipe all my tears away and he doesn't want me to cry. Doing this is the most painful, reminiscing the past which is actually a total lie. I never knew it is so real that it's buried within me in reality. How can I have a very deep feeling for someone I never even met, touched.
Here I am so wide awake at 2:10 in the morning. Thinking those beautiful lies we've shared. I can't sleep. I can't believe I let him go once again. Will I ever get tired doing this and come back to him again or should this just be forgotten while enduring his absence and will finally moved on and have myself back. I am tired. My heart is tired. But I can never deny what I felt for him is real. He woke me from a deep sleep of loneliness. He help me cured the past wounds. But I can never have him. I can never make him need me the way I long for him, his touch, just him.
I wonder of many of those things you've written in life you actually meant.
Well, welcome to one of my obsessions these days. I got myself an electric guitar last August 29. Finally, I'll be able to play again. Unfortunately, I need more practice. My fingers really sore after chord jumping sessions. I haven't played for years and I miss this. Hopefully, I could master back all the chords and leap to something greater learnings with my new boyfriend while making my own song.
My Acoustic Guitar just got a new home.
Music is my life. I can't live a day without it I think. My Dad used to perform and I can say he's the biggest influence in my life talking about Music. I got motivated to learn at the age of 12 when he got my sister a guitar for school purposes. However, I stop playing after high school so you can just imagine how many years have been wasted. I could have been a pro, lol.
Yes it is an electric guitar with an equalizer on it. My Boyfriend.
